Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Stress of a Dream or Two...

You know that something is really getting to you when it is present in everyday life and then it shows up in your dreams. I tend to find this coincidence kind of irritating because if it is something that worries me a lot, then I spend the whole day trying not to worry about it. Then I have the whole situation pan out in all different ways in my sleep (dreams). Such was the case last night.

This morning was the first day that I could take an early detection pregnancy test and just so you know it was negative. Yesterday I felt nervous all day. I felt like it was an elephant in the room as far as my mental state was concerned. Last night, as I went to sleep I was thinking about this and that (things not related to being pregnant or not). While I was sleeping I had dream after dream about pregnancy test. In one of my dreams I went to my cabinet (where I have a few tests) to find that my supply had at least quadrupled. I open the first test to see that it already has two little pink lines on it. I exhaust my supply because they are all already showing a result. So my DH hurries to Target for me to buy me some more. I am not sure what happened after that. In another dream, my DH and I were at my parents' house and I calmly take a test. Two pink lines appear and I walk into the living room and say, "Well I guess I am pregnant." Both my DH and my parents say "That's great" and continue reading their books. Just for the record, I think that I will probably be screaming from the bathroom with excitement if I did get two pink lines in real life and my DH and family would being having a big time celebration and wouldn't be reading another thing for the rest of the day.

I write all of this to say that I have been feeling anxious. I get excited about the prospect of being pregnant and yet about the time that I start thinking about how great it would be, I begin to worry about miscarrying. I know that God is in control, (believe me, He and I have had many a conversation about the matter). I believe that God will bless my DH and I with children one day (either through adoption or pregnancy).

After I got up this morning, I checked the comments from yesterday's post. I appreciate all of your prayers and encouragement. For now, I am finding peace in the midst of the worry because I know that my GOD IS IN CONTROL.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

~Philippians 4:6-7


Sweet Nothings said...

I'm sorry it was negative. But you're completely right, God is in control and he will bring you and your DH a sweet baby when the time is right. I'm sure it's hard hearing that. My husband and I have decided to wait 5 years until we will start to have kids. Part of it is more his decision and I would be prepared a lot earlier than 5 years but I want to respect his feelings and most of all I want us to have time together to travel and whatnot before we have kids. I also want my husband to be as excited as I will be when we find out we're pregnant.

Keep the faith! God will provide!

In Him,

CherryTreeLane said...

I remember waiting month after month for a postivie test. It took about 10 months, but it finally came. The Lord's plans are not ours....He is so good. I will be thinking of you.....

Davene said...

Thanks for sharing this. Thanks for the trust you're showing in Him. Thanks for being an inspiration even through the hard times. Thanks.